She's thinking that maybe she's making this situation too complicated for herself. If she wants something to happen, perhaps she should just go for it and screw the consequences. She can't believe she's considering this, and puts it out of her mind.
She wonders how it would feel to kiss him, to have his arms around her for a moment. She's dreamt about it and played it out in her mind before but when it comes to actually doing it, she just can't bring herself to take the chance.