She wonders what to do. Why do people fall in love in the first place, why do they want to and what happens to them when they do.
She's not sure if she's ever been in love. She's said it because that's what people do, she's felt something like it, but not sure if she's felt IT before.
Sometimes when she thinks about forever, she see's someone's face, but she's not positive who it is.
"till death do us part" is a long time, and far away at the same time. She's not worried about that part, but she doesn't know who would love her until he dies. Who would want to witness her life just so she knows someone was there to see her live, to prove she had a life.
Maybe that's all it really is, a narcisistic way to make ourselves feel wanted, and if that's all love is she wants nothing to do with it, because she hates feeling like she has to have someone to validate herself as a human being.
At the same time she really wants a boyfriend these days, and she doesn't know why, because she's never felt like she wanted someone to be there for her before. Boyfriends have always tended to fall into her lap without her making much of an effort, so when she had a boyfriend, she had one, and when she didn't she didn't. Never bothered her before. So her question now is....where the hell is he????